Simply

Just another manic Monday

Tag Archives: God


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From the beginning…

Looking back over the few stories I have sitting in the unpublished file, I can see I’ve started a conversation on religion and spirituality and then let it sit. I think I have over 5 stories sitting waiting for me to come back to them. It’s not that I didn’t have a story, it’s that I realized I was and still aim seeking what my view on all of those things are. 

I can say with absolute certainty that I don’t not believe in the God of the bible. I don’t believe in organized religion. I do believe in the divine, in the creator. Just not the same one most people who are Christian believe in. I realized tonight that I have issues with blonde hair, blue eyes, in a box God. Like major issues. I’ve known that for a while, I just tend to gloss over it or not put much thought into it. 

 
But a few days ago I knew I needed to go back to the beginning. Start with a clean slate and learn. I mean truly learn, because I won’t be able to move forward in my pursuit of a happy life if I am still hung up on some blonde hair blue eyed beast who allows people to be hurt and rules with an iron fist… See, issues…

Anyways, I said I would give EVERY religion and creation story a fair shake. I know I am taking on a huge task, but I have time right now. Nothing but time actually :-/ Learning about religions isn’t anything new for me, most of my BS (that’s the degree, not bullshit) is in religion and women’s studies. So I am in the beginning stages, actually completely engrossed in a book now. I had to pause to write this. What’s most interesting about the book is occasionally she will ask a ton of questions with the thought it would get you to see where you are and answer the questions honestly. Like…

1. What was your childhood religion, if any?

2. What did your mother teach you about God?

3. Describe your childhood God using at least ten adjectives.

4. Is this still the God you believe in?

5. Write a prayer.

Etc.. As you can see by some of the questions I’m going to have a ball with this book. I realized today I miss being in school, so basically I just set up my own course and coursework… I need to apply to Graduate school soon…

Anyways, I think I’ve lost focus. Actually, I know I lost focus. Unfortunately today, that is my issue and I’m being forever gracious with myself and ending this post here. Maybe tomorrow will be more focused and a little more indepth conversation. Or maybe… Birds… Lol!

Goodnight!

Faking it until you Make it…

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Disclaimer: This was from a year ago… Not really sure why I didn’t post nor finish it. But I am going to post it as is, and write more about this or something similar to it in the next few days or hours… Time is totally irrelevant right now.

Has anyone ever done that or heard of that saying…? Well I’m really good at this, maybe too good. Sometimes I have this habit of not wanting to do something or not completely believing in something the way I want to or maybe should. So then I fake it, make it seem like I do or that I’m happy with the hopes that me faking it will help me, really help me believe what I am faking. Most times it works wonders, sometimes not so great.


Say I am not in the mood for a family event but the rest of the family is, or I have a headache or something else. Anyways I pretend that I am excited, get really pumped and smile like crazy. And you know what most times it works like candy 🙂 Other times my crabby attitude just persist and it can make for an annoying afternoon/night.

Or take for instance the fact that I am still questioning if I completely believe in God, you know the same one everyone I know believes in and can’t seem to understand WHY I don’t believe in him/her/it/being. Most people I know that believe seem to believe because that is what they are supposed to do, or they grew up in the church and why WOULDN’T you believe in God. But have they ever questioned, wondered, had doubt? I know why I am questioning, and it is all a part of the journey. What I can’t stand are those that condemn me because of what I feel or believe. Isn’t it MY choice to believe or not? Anyways, I’m venturing off my Fake it until I Make it post…

I try not to do this type of thing on a regular basis, because doing that lets me know that I am missing something. That I need to re-evaluate my circumstances and recognize that I am the person to make me happy. But it doesn’t stop me from faking it. It doesn’t stop me from questioning. It doesn’t stop me from doubting. This faking only helps me to make it through the next minute, hour, day, week, month, year.

5 Things that make me Happy Now

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There are so many things that are making me happy right now it is really hard to narrow it down. But here I am doing just that! Anyways, here is my trusty list and the fun graphics. This series is really fun, and I look forward to the next post.

5 things make me happy 25 things makes me happy

1. God! Knowing that I am loved no matter what I do, say or think is amazing.

2. Myself! Is that self-centered? I don’t know, whatever the case my happiness is not dependent on anyone else making me happy. As long as I can make myself happy, life is great.

3. My Husband, Isaac! I knew that I could love another more than myself, but I never thought it could be another adult human versus a child human. I think I love him more and more with each day that passes, does he get on my last nerves sometimes? Of Course, but it is great to have someone to go on this amazing journey with. Just to be clear, I’m the better half and the good looking half…

4. My Children, D-boy, Mini Mouse and Miss Marie! I loved them before I even set eyes on them. My heart expanded the day I found out I was pregnant. I get frustrated sometimes and annoyed, but it is all a learning process for all of us and I look forward to seeing them grow older and becoming their own person outside of us, their parents.

5. Photography! I am having a blast documenting our life and having memories for us to look back on years from now. Photography is an art form that I am learning and one that I am passing on to my children. They love to take photos as much as I do, they will be great about snapping those small moments. Sometimes I worry that I’m not in enough photos because I am always behind the camera lens. I’m learning to step out of the shadows and hop in the picture in some way or another. Now if only I can teach my other half to take clear and non fuzzy pictures.

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears (graphic version)
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

What I would say to my 16 year old self…

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I actually did the graphic version and I am going to be posting it instead of the word version and then going back to fix it. I’m a long way from being really good at this thing, but look at it… Isn’t it pretty!

Disclaimer:

That is not me at 16, that is me at 18… as a matter of fact that was my 18th birthday party that a friend had for me… It was at a hotel… that’s all that really needs to be said about that.

16 year old self

16 years

10. Don’t take “NO” for an answer, ever
9. God is still listening to you, he hasn’t left you
8. Don’t worry about not having a boyfriend, it really isn’t that big of a deal.
7. Be more sympathetic, a better listener, and less self-centered
6. You’re a fighter, continue to be that
5. It’s ok to just be a kid sometimes and do things that normal teens would do
4. Depression is real, don’t take it lightly
3. College isn’t that far away, think about what you want to do
2. “Friends” come and go, don’t be too upset when you lose one
1. It’s ok to be who you are, don’t worry about what others think

and of course here I am linking to my trusty list and fun graphics

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears (graphic version)
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Describe your Relationship with your Spouse…

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So I am definitely going back and redoing this post, I’m just super lazy and thought this was good for the time being. There is more that I want to say, I just can’t right now. Not that I can’t say it, but more along the lines of me just wanting to get it posted… Is that lazy… maybe, maybe not! More along the lines of me saying… WHOOT, WHOOT I got another post done! #POW

Here is that trusty list again and the fun graphics to go along with it!

Relationships can be so tricky, relating with other people is not an easy feat. It is something that one has to work on daily. Marriage is work, it isn’t something that is all magical and just happens forever. It takes time, focus, dedication and persistence to get where we are now. As you all know our relationship hasn’t been all peaches and cream, but it is working and it is what it is.

I look at the relationship that you guys have with your dad and at times I wonder if I had been given the chance to have that type of relationship with my own father if I would have been different. I’m sure, but what if’s don’t help anyone so I will move on from that. I am so happy that you guys have that type of relationship and I hope you understand where that comes from.

I love your dad because he loves you guys so much, does that sound funny? There are many other reasons why I love him, but seeing him with you guys makes me love him even more. I love him because when he looks at me it’s like I’m the only one in the room. I love him because he is willing to get matching tattoo’s with me and let me pick them out. I love him because he loves motorcycles more than I do. I love him because our names are similar; IAV and IAL. I love him because he helps me feel complete. He is a part of a circle and that circle is complete because he is in it. The other parts of that circle are you guys, my sister and niece, the awesome Godparents you guys have (whom I’ve known since I was 9 years old), and for knowing that God loves me even when I don’t love myself. I can go on and on, but I will spare you all of the sappy reasons why I love him.

I do want you to know that our relationship hasn’t always been great, it took time, healing and God to get our relationship to where it is now. We both came into the relationship with past hurts and learning to forgive people from our past. We knew we wanted to be together and so that was what kept us going. I’m not saying divorce was never in our conversations, just saying that we had to pray and take things one day at a time. What brought us together was our similarities.  What is keeping us together is Christ and our love for each other and our love for you guys, and making sure that your life is in no way similar to our pasts. Because when you know better and learn better, you strive to be better and do better.

Anywho, your father and I have a lot of things in common, but we also have things that neither one of us really care for. But to be honest that is what makes our relationship stronger. If we were the same all the way, it would be boring. Some of the things we have that are similar are;

  1. We like getting tattoos
  2. We love riding motorcycles
  3. We love music
  4. We love our family (the one we made, not the one we came from)
  5. We are both loyal
  6. We both are very forgiving
  7. Our initials are similar except our last names… IAL and IAV
  8. We both heart the Packers and the Badgers
  9. We enjoy spending time with our children
  10. We both enjoy cooking and baking, him more cooking and me more baking

Anyways, I hope this gives you more of a look into the relationship I have with your father. I mean I can’t really go into super detail. But know that we are in it for the long haul and we are going to do all we can to stay together until we die.

The List:

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears (graphic version)
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.