Being tired and the Holiday Season…

Let me just tell you… I’m exhausted, I’m sick and I’m looking forward to the weekend. 

We just completed two weeks of the Nutcracker with Mouse. That was downtown Austin in horrible traffic and holiday traffic and everyday there was an accident. Reminds me of why I love living in small town USA! 

Our littles are leaving our home and going to another home that would also be willing to adopt them when the time comes. As much as I love these three kiddos, it has been a.lot.of.work! I’m glad we were able to give them what they needed for this last year, but it is now time to focus on our family and my commitment to taking care of self. It’s stressful because we want to keep them, but know we can’t give them what they need for the rest of their lives. We want to expand our family, but only by one… Possibly two if circumstances are right.

We are taking the big kiddos to Walt Disney World for New Years and… Yeah… I know all of this stressing beforehand will all be worth it. I guess the biggest issue is making sure I have all together. And then I had a friend tell me the other day that I needed to breathe and rest, that it would all work out. I know it will, I’m just ocd sometimes. 

The last few days I’ve had a headache and a scratchy sore throat. It’s not fun, I don’t like being sick. As a matter of fact, I’m going to tell you something not a lot of people know… I’m a whiner when I get sick. It’s rather pathetic sometimes. 

The last few months I’ve been dealing with blurry vision. Just assuming, I don’t know, nothing. Well it could actually be why I’ve been having headaches and stuff. I could be getting old *cluthes pearls* NEVER! I’m just going to go with my vision is blurry and not that I might actually need glasses…

Anyways, I’m still here. Just learning to push the pause button so that I may stay rested and well grounded!

Goodnight! 

 

Crafty

Today I had a strong urge to be crafty… So I fiddled around on Pinterest and I’m making pineapple chicken stir fry and a simple banana bread. I’ve had the bananas in my freezer for about 4 months now, waiting precisely for me to use them for this very thing. According to my other half he prefers his bananas to be stored with the skins off, I on the other hand, store mines by just sticking the whole brown thing in my freezer and then pulling it out when I’m having a crafty moment.

The last few days I’ve been thinking and reminiscing about my maternal grandmother who passed when I was 14 years old. I considered her my mother and so it was hard when she died. It was even harder when she died two days after my birthday. That’s a different story for another time. But what has sparked my thought process is the fact that Ike will be making me my favorite cake for my birthday. This is what my granny used to make me every year that I lived with her. It was my own special cake, even though my birthday falls on or around the Thanksgiving holiday every year she did all she could to make it special. And that was one way. Making a from scratch German chocolate cake.

That’s what I’m getting on Thursday, actually I think I might have told him two. Just because. He makes them from scratch too. It makes my whole body do a happy dance, takes me back to being in the kitchen…

STOP!

This is my stream of consciousness post for today. Thanks for stopping by!

Progress

Progress

Sometimes it’s slow

That’s today!

Another year…

Disclaimer: I wrote this on December 14th… Didn’t feel like hitting publish until today.

I can’t believe it’s been 14 years, it still feels like yesterday when I got the call saying you passed. I had been meaning to give you a call for the past couple of days. I know you had been sick, but I was just about to tell you that your grandson had just started crawling. I knew you would be as excited as I was. 
As the day wound down and I sat in the chair to take a breather my phone rang. I picked it up and smiled, I looked over at the little boy playing so contently on the floor by my feet and answered the phone.

I instantly knew something was off but couldn’t place what it was. The person on the other end seemed like she was very sad and was trying to hold it together while talking to me. She asked a few simple questions and I answered each one on guard but also excited. The last thing I remember saying was, “Well, I had called a few times that week and hadn’t heard back. But I figured I would call the next morning…” 

And then my world was turned upside down for the 100th time in my life. My biggest supporter, the person who understood everything I had felt and was going through after finding out I was pregnant with Dboy was no longer alive. All I could think was but I had just talked to her like the week before. I was going to call the next morning to tell her about Dboy crawling. I had plans to come home for Thanksgivng. And at that moment none of that mattered. 

I knew I needed closer after you passed and I knew it would mean a lot to Grandpa, so we had Dboys first birthday party at your house. Just as we had his first celebration of his life. In your dining room, with you gushing over how incredible that little guy was. You helped make the transition into motherhood smoother, connecting me with moms whom I could talk with and other things. I knew as long as I had you in my corner I wouldn’t be alone…

It’s been 14 years and it still feels like it was yesterday.

Have you ever?

The last 3 nights I have been so emotionally full and drained all at once. By the end of the night I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to say goodnight to the kiddos, let alone make it to bed in a timely fashion. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. I would just let my body take over and head to bed. The issue as of late is I am about a month in a half behind in paperwork for our foster kiddos and I have been “going to do the girls hair” for about a solid 3 weeks now.

Doing the girls hair isn’t an easy feat. As in, we are talking about mid back length naturally curly 4c hair… Le sigh! Basically what that means is tons of detangling that does absolutely nothing because its tangled before I even get to the end of the hairs that I combing. Not complaining, because I am rather proud of myself for helping their hairs to grow that long. Just saying, its a lot of work.

Tonight I did Miss Marie’s head of hairs, because I tend to neglect hers more then her sisters. That was the longest process and I had to trim the ends. Lets just say, i just finished. I was about to head to bed when I remembered I hadn’t blogged for the night. And I’m just remembering I didn’t blog last night. Oh well, one day out of 30…

Today has been a great day, Miss Marie had a state gymnastics meet right outside of south Austin. She did her best performance yet, but still not enough to get her to Level 4… But we were able to hang out with close gymnastics friends and Mouse went with so it was a girls weekend. One where I’ve officially spent WAYYYY too much money. Yesterday Mouse’s Nutcracker family had a wine tasting fundraiser. Lets just say I walked away with three new wines to try out and a fe other things, ones I was for sure I would get out bid on. But didn’t… LOL!

I swear one of these days I will learn my lesson.

Anyways, todays truth is…. I have reached the stage in life where I fall asleep before my kiddos. Its down right depressing, and makes me chuckle all at the same time. I am looking forward to when I reach the stage of having energy again.

Buenos Noches!