Disclaimer: This was from a year ago… Not really sure why I didn’t post nor finish it. But I am going to post it as is, and write more about this or something similar to it in the next few days or hours… Time is totally irrelevant right now.
Has anyone ever done that or heard of that saying…? Well I’m really good at this, maybe too good. Sometimes I have this habit of not wanting to do something or not completely believing in something the way I want to or maybe should. So then I fake it, make it seem like I do or that I’m happy with the hopes that me faking it will help me, really help me believe what I am faking. Most times it works wonders, sometimes not so great.
Say I am not in the mood for a family event but the rest of the family is, or I have a headache or something else. Anyways I pretend that I am excited, get really pumped and smile like crazy. And you know what most times it works like candy 🙂 Other times my crabby attitude just persist and it can make for an annoying afternoon/night.
Or take for instance the fact that I am still questioning if I completely believe in God, you know the same one everyone I know believes in and can’t seem to understand WHY I don’t believe in him/her/it/being. Most people I know that believe seem to believe because that is what they are supposed to do, or they grew up in the church and why WOULDN’T you believe in God. But have they ever questioned, wondered, had doubt? I know why I am questioning, and it is all a part of the journey. What I can’t stand are those that condemn me because of what I feel or believe. Isn’t it MY choice to believe or not? Anyways, I’m venturing off my Fake it until I Make it post…
I try not to do this type of thing on a regular basis, because doing that lets me know that I am missing something. That I need to re-evaluate my circumstances and recognize that I am the person to make me happy. But it doesn’t stop me from faking it. It doesn’t stop me from questioning. It doesn’t stop me from doubting. This faking only helps me to make it through the next minute, hour, day, week, month, year.