Simply

Just another manic Monday

Another year…

1 Comment

Disclaimer: I wrote this on December 14th… Didn’t feel like hitting publish until today.

I can’t believe it’s been 14 years, it still feels like yesterday when I got the call saying you passed. I had been meaning to give you a call for the past couple of days. I know you had been sick, but I was just about to tell you that your grandson had just started crawling. I knew you would be as excited as I was. 
As the day wound down and I sat in the chair to take a breather my phone rang. I picked it up and smiled, I looked over at the little boy playing so contently on the floor by my feet and answered the phone.

I instantly knew something was off but couldn’t place what it was. The person on the other end seemed like she was very sad and was trying to hold it together while talking to me. She asked a few simple questions and I answered each one on guard but also excited. The last thing I remember saying was, “Well, I had called a few times that week and hadn’t heard back. But I figured I would call the next morning…” 

And then my world was turned upside down for the 100th time in my life. My biggest supporter, the person who understood everything I had felt and was going through after finding out I was pregnant with Dboy was no longer alive. All I could think was but I had just talked to her like the week before. I was going to call the next morning to tell her about Dboy crawling. I had plans to come home for Thanksgivng. And at that moment none of that mattered. 

I knew I needed closer after you passed and I knew it would mean a lot to Grandpa, so we had Dboys first birthday party at your house. Just as we had his first celebration of his life. In your dining room, with you gushing over how incredible that little guy was. You helped make the transition into motherhood smoother, connecting me with moms whom I could talk with and other things. I knew as long as I had you in my corner I wouldn’t be alone…

It’s been 14 years and it still feels like it was yesterday.

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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One thought on “Another year…

  1. This really hit me…for a lot of reasons. The timing, for one. As I journeyed through your poignant memories which are crystal clear and so easy for the reader to feel, I was thinking a lot – including about a dear friend who left this world on the 13th. She was an amazing mother in law to my daughter and still so full of life when she was diagnosed with AML two weeks after we saw her out and about at my son in law’s gig at Bratfest. She will always be part of the fabric of our lives and I will have to figure out a way to process the grief in a way other than to send bouquets of roses because she loved them…or a card with just a few words of love and thanks. And then there’s my “other mother”…my own mother in law…who outlived her multiple close calls witb death and was tragically widowed just as she was regaining her health and will to live. She left us last October at the age of 90 when she could no longer fight through the obstacles. I’ve buried my 19 month old granddaughter after a brief but valiant battle with A.L.L.(6 years ago) and our fathers three years apart when I was half as old as I am now but I haven’t buried my own mother yet. You said it so well. “It’s been ____ years and it still feels like it was yesterday.” The older I get, the clearer if gets.

    I pray that this November and every November from here on in is blessed with birthdays and memories of healing. That your time with her when she was here will sweeten the moments as you watch your children grow into the amazing and much loved people that they are bound to be with the love with which you bind them to your heart. That you will know how much of her took root in you and that she still lives with you in that way. I love your tender heart.

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