Just another manic Monday



Is there such a thing? Can one truly be in control of their lives? I mean you can control a situation, as long as there aren’t any outliers like another person involved, an addiction, unforeseen actions, etc… But can you truly control every part of your life?  

 More days then not lately I’ve been feeling like I’m being manipulated. Like I have no Free Will to do what I want without the backlash of the consequences. 

For instance… I have anxiety attacks on occasion. They can be very intense and leave me feeling completely drained and without energy to do much other then sleep. I have no control over them except to put on my big girl panties and to either, take medication, start counseling or a combination of both. Here’s the thing, I can’t say no Bueno and forget about it because it’s always there, in the back of my mind. Waiting patiently in the wings for just the right moment to fuck up all control I THOUGHT I had over a situation or event. 
It leaves one to feel as if they are being manipulated to do something they don’t want to do at a pace they aren’t ready to endure. But then that stupid little voice in the back of your head, you know which one I’m referring to. Kindly reminds you that in deed you are controlling everything that is happening to you because you asked for help to move forward and leave the past where it lay.

So here you are, upset and feeling out of control stick moving forward. I try to procrastinate on doing certain things to move forward but then I’m reminded this is the best course of action for what you are wanting to do. 

So with that in mind, I see an optometrist tomorrow for my eyes… Le sigh! I have the names & numbers of a couple of chiropractors and a massage therapist (my scoliosis has been kicking my ass lately). I also have the times and dates of a couple group therapies for survivors of SA (though I’m trying to find a way to talk myself out of going to the next mtg) & I will be seeing a dr soon because I don’t like them and I need to 😑…

So here is to control, manipulation and a false sense of free will. 

2 thoughts on “Control?!

  1. You are not alone. Many of us share issues and have deep compassion for those who are willing to put themselves out there. “Love never fails”.

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