Just another manic Monday


When I start to pace…

***I wrote this on December 11th, 2016. I’m going to post it as is, I won’t add to it.***

I keep pacing the floors of our house, repeating the same thing over and over and over again. I’m anxious, unfocused and can’t sit still. I’ve looked in our fridge over 10 times in the last 20 minutes. The contents don’t change, they stay the same. But my mind tells me that I haven’t done that yet and so I remember I’ve looked in the fridge as I’m standing looking into the fridge. 

Most times when I get like that I force myself to sit down and do mindless tasks. But even that seems like too much. I’ve closed and reopened the same app at least 20 times in the last 10 minutes. And now here I am going through my blog, reading old posts and remembering what was happening to me at this time last year or even the year before. 

I think I’ve done the November blog post a day the last couple of years. I signed up for it this year and because of where I was mentally and physically I just opted not to write on the blog. I spent countless hours writing but saving it on my phone, uploading it or writing it with pen and paper. It’s always interesting when I’m done writing to see how many pages of paper I’ve filled.

The last one I did was 19 pages front and back. It was me writing out how the last session with my counselor would go, what my responses would be and what I wanted to talk about. I can laugh about that now… it never goes as planned, as the way I have it written down and hoped it would go. 

When I got to my session, I looked at her and literally pulled out my stack of 19 pages and said this is the conversation I had with you last night. It went great and I think we figured out a lot… but things never go as planned do they?! And then we chuckled, me more because I was irritated that I was about to cry and I felt so incredibly bare. I.Love.Control. Anyway I can have it I take it. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart, of my past and the such. I need to be able to control that part of me. And she (meaning me) just doesn’t like to listen to reason. So I end up feeling small and alone and vulnerable. I don’t like that. 

Namaste my friends,



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I’ve decided

I’ve decided to join up with a slew of amazing writers, bloggers and photographers to do a month of challenge with NaBloPoMo and NaPhoPoMo. Basically, I will be posting for a full 30 days in November. If you look on the sidebar of this blog you will see, I tried to do this last year. Or was it two years ago… whatever the case, that was an epic FAIL! And I’m perfectly ok with that fail, LOL! My goal is to get in back into the habit of writing, I so miss it and so here I go giving it a try.  I guess my main issue has been my spirit of creativity has taken a back seat. But I’m giving her the reigns again and looking forward to where she takes me. I don’t want every post to be all somber and sad and melancholy, so I’m finding the positive and using it to my full advantage. Plus, I’m just preparing myself for the New Year!

My photos will be posted on my instagram feed and possibly my tumblr page. You can see my instagram photos in the sidebar, so that is definitely my first location to post. These photos will be a combination of my iPhone and my DSLR, I am looking forward to really getting to know my DSLR. The two of us are going to be the best of buddies soon.

I’m trying to make a choice between a new piece of glass (lens for my camera) or a new laptop. Actually what I want is a new camera body, with a couple new pieces of glass and the laptop and software to go with it. But what will inevitably happen is I will either get a new lens or a new laptop, yes… First World Photographer Problems… Maybe my other half will get that one lens for my Birth-DAY. LOL!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot, I’m trying out a new way to blog… No photos attached. We’ll see how long that lasts, LOL! I like pretty things 🙂

Anyways, I have already started the posting. And so look forward to many more to come in the 28 days to follow.

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Awesome List 2014: Update

I just wanted to give y’all an update on how my Awesome List is going so far this year. I can say that I have done most of these 100% of the time, and I can say there is at least one on this list that I haven’t even tackled…

1. The month of no Facebook, went off smoothly… sort of. In the beginning I really did have withdrawals. It was so funny to me, I ended up deleting the app from my phone all together and here we are almost into May and I still have yet to put the app back on my phone. To be honest I don’t think I will. It doesn’t mean I am not on Facebook, because I am. I end up using safari to connect or just go to my computer, and because both are time consuming I tend to get on and stay on for a time period and then get off for a while. I have however picked up the habit of being on instagram everyday. It’s pictures, which is what I love so I don’t see a problem with that as much as I did with Facebook. What I noticed is that FB had started to become so negative that it was affecting my everyday life. So I try to post happy things now and scroll past the negative things… Keyword being TRY!

2. I am still doing a daily picture and storing it in my iPhone app called Collect. I love that little app, as well as a few other photography apps. I’m getting better at making sure I snap a picture. Even if it’s horrid to me.

3. I have not prayed daily, actually I don’t think I’ve prayed anymore since January. There is a lot of other things that go behind that simple statement but I’m not in the mood or the space to talk about it. So we’re just going to leave that sitting there…

4. The things I have found to do on a weekly basis are so funny. Like this week it’s been eating Cocoa Puffs cereal. I just finished off the box, and I am not mad at myself. Well maybe a little, because now I don’t have any for the rest of the week. Last week it was filling eggs up for the egg hunt we had last weekend. I was aiming for 150 eggs, but only made it to 132. But that was fun for me. The week before that was fixing up the spare bedroom, or at least organizing it a little more. I will do a room reveal when it’s all done and purity 🙂

5. So I found the Graduate Program I want to do at the school I want to do it at. But I’ve decided to not do it anytime soon, actually maybe never. I’m still working on that. The school is AH-MAZING! It’s gorgeous, it offers what I want, need and could ever imagine, it’s in my area… the only issue is the $68,000+ price tag that goes along with it, as well as the time commitment. I have neither right now, nor do I foresee it popping up in the near future. I was a tad sad about it, but I am adjusting and trying to live in reality. I’m not ready to rake up that much debt anytime soon, since I am paying on school loans right now. They are my own loans, they don’t even include Ike’s. So before I add more I need to pay off the ones I have, or at least pay down on them. I do want to own a business and having so much debt will look bad to the banks. The name of the school is St. Edwards, you can check out the MAC program here! I am not crossing it off of my list, I am just lowering it to the bottom. There are different priorities I have now, and so I will pursue those first and come back to this one later.

6. Smiling, is contagious. Glad I can spread it 🙂

7. Reading 2 books a month hasn’t been the problem, reading 4-5 books a month has been. As of right now I am stuck on one book, it started off great and now it is just… blah! I’ve already renewed it from the library like twice. I’m thinking I need to give up on the book. But I don’t want to, it’s by my favorite author/bestfriend 🙂

8. I’ve thought about blogging or writing in my journal daily, but the words don’t quite seem to make it to the paper or here. So I’m just going to keep trudging along on that path. I swear I am having writers block.

9. I’ve read books to the girls but that haven’t been chapter books. I’m slacking, but life is so crazy now. So I’m giving myself a break and trying not to beat myself up over it.

Anyways, more to come later. I have a meeting I need to run off to. It starts at 11am and it is now 10:40am… Traditional Virgin-Lewis manner… arriving right on time or late. I’m going to go with right on time 🙂

I will add pictures to this lovely post at a later time, I gotta run 🙂

Love and Peace, Iiona


Sometimes Life just Needs to Stop.

(This photo is from a place in Austin, TX where the whole guys backyard is nothing but junk… it is rather interesting and I will be posting about it soon)

So I always try to keep my blog posts upbeat and happy, because lets be honest… who wants to read anything but, right?

Well I’ve found out that sometimes on one of those days when you just want everything to STOP and change course, it keeps going. Even when you want to curl up in a ball and rock to and fro until everything comes back into focus… That it’s those times that reading a post from a real person about real issues really helps you move through that day a little better, you can say, “I’m not alone in how I feel and there is someone else out there that knows and feels and understands what I am going through.”

Well, today started out like that type of day and has only gotten better as it has progressed. I love when a day ends on a high note, it just seems that much better…

But anyways, the main reason for my post was to link you to someone who is a blogger and I really enjoy her blog. She is eloquent in the way she expresses how she feels and for the most part, she says what I want to say but don’t have the nerve to post in a blog post…

I hope you enjoy her as much as I do, and by some chance I hope she moves you as much as she has moved me: Logic and Immagination

Have an awesome day!

This image is of a tattoo my sister and I got right before I left WI.