Just another manic Monday

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What I know…

I know that these last few months have been some of the most trying, full and enjoyable experiences of my life. Maybe it has something to do with how I’m viewing myself through this process. 

In November I thought the world would be better without me, or at least my pain and agony would cease to exist. What I know from that is, it would end for me but continue on through the people I would leave behind. During those dark moments you can’t see that. All you see is that you are alone, you are less than and that you are in pain and you would do ANYTHING to stop that pain. 

In December, I made the conscious decision to tell someone what was going on in my head. And what I mean is that I not only told my counselor, I talked with my doctor, I talked with my husband, I talked with my kiddos Godmom. I told friends and I put it on my blog. I asked for help and THAT was the single most hardest decision I have ever made. Things like that thrive in secrecy. I’m so glad I choose to reach out. I can’t say I loved the process. Because let’s be honest, I am an independent soul and I felt like I was being told to tell people my every move. I had weekly, sometimes daily check-ins. I had to give up things that made me feel safe but could also harm me. What I can say is there is power in support, positive thinking, and prayer. Thank you! 

In February I welcomed a baby niece and a few short weeks later I was given another niece. I love them as much as if they were my own.

One half of JZ

The other half of JZ

 JZ are absolutely perfect in every way. My heart was full. But… it also bought up that little thing that likes to pop up every now and then. Wanting another baby of my own. I know, I know. I joke a lot about not wanting to be pregnant again or going through labor again or even sleepless nights. But joking is also my coping mechanism. The urge to want to have a baby didn’t come around until after we had to give up the twins and their brother. In my heart I know what we did was best for us. Three was a LOT of work, at times I was overwhelmed. But it opened up in me the reminder that I couldn’t have another one of my own. The thought of going through what I did with Marie’s birth seriously gives me heart palpitations and anxiety. We almost lost her, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have that fear and stress in the back of my mind the whole pregnancy. And so because that was so traumatic, shortly after she was born I asked Ike to get a vasectomy. And he did. At the time it was the best decision and to be honest, I feel like it is still the best decision. But it doesn’t change the fact that my body aches to have a baby to carry and love and nurse. I’m slowly figuring out how to navigate those mindfields. For now I do it by getting some much needed snuggles from my beautiful baby nieces. I might or might not spoil them, but I can’t confirm that. I do want to add, we’ve had (Ike and I) that conversation. And we both agree that unless it’s meant to be (as in I get pregnant), we will not be taking in any infants or toddlers through foster care. Even though on occasion I ask him if he is absolutely positively for sure… What I know is that I can hold the sorrow of not having my own AND the joy of being an auntie twice over all together and still be happy. That is truly amazing to me. I’m learning and growing daily!

March came and went so fast, I’m still trying to figure out where it went. But what I do know is that I Love my husband more today than I did yesterday, or even ten years ago. And I say that because we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. 

Happy 10th Anniversary

It was truly magical and everything we wanted. To be surrounded by friends and family. To have the same feel as our wedding and to be enjoyed by all. I’ll share pictures and more about that later. I also know that if I hadn’t learned even a little about making MYSELF happy, no one else would be able to. And so to be at this point is huge for me. We were close to being divorced on a couple of different occasions. The thing that helped us was taking each moment, hour, day, week, month at a time. 

April has been a time of slowin down, enjoying the quiet moments and spending time with family and friends. We celebrated the 5th birthday of our extra baby. 

Celebrating with classmates

Watching her be loved on and celebrated was absolutely adorable and so amazing. To see the pure look of joy and excitement in receiving was something I will cherish forever. To have something that is hers, and hers alone made her so incredibly happy. Im happy we got to see and experience that. What a gift! 

April has also been a full month, the group I was in has been cancelled because by the end I was the only one showing up. So I have to find and get comfortable in another group. I have a story about that too. Lol! We will be leaving next month on a six week roadtrip, yes I said six whole weeks! I am beyond excited. This trip will be epic. 

This is us filling out passport paperwork

It will include Canada, and the East Coast. With lots of time with friends and family along the way. Which leads me to add that our oldest daughter will be joining us in week two and stay with us through the end. I am excited for Ike and the kiddos. They get to spend some much wanted and needed time with an older sibling they didn’t get to grow up with. And I am lucky enough I get to watch all of it happen! 

For now that’s all I have, maybe I’ll finish those other stories and schedule them to post over the next few days. 

Namaste my Friends!



Summer Bingo and Fun!

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Below you will find pictures from the last week or so. The first ones are from Fathers Day, I made brunch and then a delish dessert of brownie and strawberry trifle. Yes, it was as good as it looks 🙂

What we have checked off on our bingo board so far has been, play in the rain (we’ll do that again so I can get pictures), the library reading program, we’ve been to Mt. Bonnell, go to the movies, and a free or cheap pool (we’ve done both). We’ve gone to concerts on the square which could be considered concerts in the park. We’ve also done a play in the park, but might do movies in the park tonight.

So far summer is THE best 🙂










Peace, Love and hair grease!


The Struggle

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So I get into my head that I want to take a picture with the family. But not an average picture, it has to be outside at a park and everyone has to be kind of dressed similar but not matchy, matchy. So then I go into our closets and start piecing together outfits, finding texture, similar colors, similar themes, etc. Ha,ha! I know right, it’s silly because the picture process struggle is beyond funny. Take for instance the photos I’m about to post here in a minute… It just so happen to be the coldest day here in Georgetown. I mean real cold! No one wanted to go do the photos, but it was too late to say no because we were all dressed and ready to go. But before we headed out to the park we had to stop at the store because Ike needed a new sweater, I needed a puffer vest as well as Miss Marie. The kiddos all needed stylish and cute gloves and that was the beginning of the end. LOL! So this photo session lasted all of 15 minutes if that, but it felt like FOREVER! Anyways, enjoy 🙂

DSC_8630 DSC_8628 DSC_8627 DSC_8626 DSC_8625 DSC_8624 DSC_8622 DSC_8621 DSC_8620 DSC_8619 DSC_8618 DSC_8617 DSC_8616 DSC_8615 DSC_8614 DSC_8613 DSC_8612 DSC_8610I’m not sure if I’ve said this before but if you notice I don’t do much editing of my photos. I will crop, maybe lighten it if it’s too dark but that’s about it. The main reason I don’t edit my photos is because I’m not look for perfect, I’m looking for life. The second is Photo Shop is so time consuming and I don’t always have a ton of time to fiddle with that. Granted I keep reading that I should at least watermark my photos, which I am still trying to figure out a simple way to do that without having to import pictures to photo shop as well. I’m lazy when it comes to pictures and I want it to be simple and easy. Anyways, I love seeing the blemishes, scars, imperfections, etc. Because that’s life. My life isn’t perfect so why portray that in my photos. Occasionally if I plan on making it into a work of art I might add an overlay, but again that takes time so I might not!

Anyways, Love, Peace and Hair grease!


Texas Sky…

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Enough Said…DSC_7048 DSC_7047 DSC_7046 IMG_8727 IMG_8602 IMG_8097

This one is also a picture of a random fire that popped up in the area we live… Those darn hot days 🙂


When you are your most busy and stressed, take a moment to look up and rejoice! It’s the little things, I love gazing at the clouds and catching an awesome sunset. Which we are rushing out of the house to do now!

The Processes of things


So I have been somewhat M.I.A. here on this blog, not because I want to but because this New Year has started off at a sprint of a pace and I am trying to keep up with everything. But some things are just going to be put on the back burner in place of those more important things.

Before moving to Texas, Isaac and I had a goal for ourselves of buying a house after the first year of living in Texas. We wanted to make sure we liked the area, knew the area, and liked the schools. We have been here since June and here we are almost 8 months later and we have done all of the above (mostly). We are still learning the area and making new friends but overall we have reached that goal. We have been lucky enough to have our rent paid up for the remainder of this year. So we are able to “save money” to go towards the purchase of a new house. I put save money in quotes because we are also trying to pay down on our credit cards to make sure they are at or near zero before we move into our new place.

And this is where I get into the topic of processes. We have decided to go ahead and start the PROCESS of buying a new home. And that sentence tells it all, right?! This will be our first ever home, I say first because this will not be our final home. I want our final home to be on acreage somewhere in the country, that goes back to my country girl in a city girl’s body.

Anyways, anyone that has ever bought a home understands what I am saying when I say the process. This process has the ability of giving people ulcers, migraines and anxiety attacks. Or maybe I am just being too over dramatic. But how can I not? So far to this date the most expensive thing I have ever paid for has been my education and that wasn’t really hard to figure out. The next expensive thing I have ever paid for were the last 3 vehicles we have purchased, 2 of them were minivans and the other is a crossover. Those were as hard as figuring out a color and if it had automatic everything, AWD and enough space for 3 kiddos, 2 adults and a bunch of “shit”… So in reality that wasn’t too hard.

The first process we started was the bank, to me that was the hardest part. Everything else is  just a formality. I say that because the bank tells you what you can and can not afford. And they came back higher than we thought, LOL! Also the bank is the most intrusive part of this process, wanting to know where, when, how and why you spent your money the way you did and you need to show proof of how you went about all of it. Needless to say I’ve spent a good deal of time on my computer hooked up to the printer/scanner. Scanning taxes for the last two years, proof of income, bank statements, etc, etc, etc. We are still in this process but at a different stage, as in everything went to the underwriter and we are just waiting to see what this dude says.

The next stage was meeting with a Realtor. We choose the realtor route because it just seemed easier. We thought she would be better at giving us a list of EVERYTHING that is out there that is within our price range, the jury is still out on her. But so far… so good. I believe there are some things she should have told us and not us figuring it out on our own or being told by someone else, you know the whole first time homebuyer thing going on for us. Either way, it’s cool. I’m a big researcher and so me searching the net is only one thing I already do. So in this process we get the “fun” of looking at beautiful houses, falling in love with what we see in each one and then narrowing it down to what we can live with and what we really want. I say “fun” because OMG as fun as it should be it became not so fun quickly. Mainly because we felt like we were getting so much pressure from certain people to jump into the first thing we seen. Isaac and I told each other right before the process started that we wouldn’t let anyone try to separate us, that whatever we got was going to be what WE wanted, and that we wouldn’t jump at the first really nice place we seen (which we almost did, LOL!).

Some question why we are jumping in so early looking to buy when our lease isn’t up until June. To that I say, “Because we have always wanted to build, we have that chance and so we are going to take it!” The build process is about 3-4 months, but you know how that is so with that in mind that takes us into June, maybe early July. Anyways over about 2 weeks we searched and compared and crunched numbers and wrote down what we would be willing to sacrifice and what is something we would never sacrifice. After some thinking and some looking we narrowed it down to a builder and a floor plan. And we signed some forms to have this builder build our first home for us. My lovely husband talked with a good friend of his during that week and he put into his mind that we should consider a house with the master bedroom on the first floor, because… “When you get older you are not going to want to travel to the second floor to go to bed…” I just looked at him like he was special, and said ok lets look at some plans that have the master on the main floor. Our initial floor plan was 3125 square feet, but the 2655 and the 3417 square home had the masters on the main floor. So we went to check it out and fell in love with the 3417 floor plan, and we also fell in love with the area the place was in.

We were in Round Rock for the first home, but with the home we are buying it is actually in Georgetown. About 15-20 minutes away from where we live right now. The school district is really good AND it is in the school zone of the charter school we really want to send our kiddos too next fall. All of the above processes did not prepare us for the next steps, which was the small things of the home. We had the builder, we had the floor plan, now we needed to put things in and decide where other things went and the sort. So we were set up with an appointment at the builders home store, to pick and choose things (that’s the best way I can think of to describe it). Our initial appointment lasted all of 3 hours, yeah. 3 hours of picking out things. I was so emotionally and physically drained after the appointment was over. We knew we wanted an awesome kitchen, a great master bedroom/bathroom and that it needed a nice size patio. There are other things but those things we top. Some of the other top things came included in our place, like we get 9 foot ceilings on the first floor, and rounded corners on the walls of the house everywhere, we also get 42 inch cabinets in the kitchen.

Some of the other things we got done were granite top counters, an extended bartop, stainless steel appliances including a freaking double oven and a built in microwave. We have hardwood floors from the main entrance to the dining room, tile in the laundry room, bathrooms and kitchen, and carpet everywhere else. Etc, etc. It was such a tedious process to narrow down what we really wanted, what we could afford and what we would be willing to pay out of pocket for 🙂 Anyways, I’m dragging out this post, haha!

Basically we have a lot, we have a house plan, and we have an idea of when it will be completed. Now we just need to hurry up and wait. And while we wait, we will document this process and I will post about it. While you wait to see how the process is going I will give you some firsts, LOL!

Hope your week is as blessed as ours has been!

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