Simply

Just another manic Monday

I think…

1 Comment

It is only 6:15pm and I feel as if I’ve already gone through two days since 11:30am. I am tired and only wanting to shut the world and all of its stimulus out my going to sleep. But, life…

The youngest is with dad at gymnastics, the middle one is at the park with friends. And the oldest one is cooking us dinner, because I just couldn’t. Luckily there is freezer food and pasta to get us through the night. 

I am beyond exhausted, but have a laundry list of things that need to happen and keep piling up. I want to turn everything down, curl up on my bed & just stay there. But, life…

So I turn on my music that soothes and I start knocking shit off my list. Small at first, I can only focus on small. Nothing too intensive or that requires a lot of brain power. Because my brain is mush. 

I had an exceptionally hard therapy session today. I thought about just telling her I was completely happy with where I was at and that I think I’m done with therapy. But then I would of had to tell her that through the barrage of tears that refused to stop coming and as I dry heaved because I became physically sick to my stomach. This shit is fucking hard as fuck. I need to cuss to emphasis my point of how fucking hard this shit is. Like fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck…

Anyways, since then I’ve been combating feeling sick, feeling anxious, feeling overwhelmed. I’ve been dealing with some awesome sensations rolling in and out of my body at different times. It, All of it, can be so draining. I guess I would rather be drained because I purposefully took a box off of the shelf and started to deal with it vs trying to shove everything back into the box as it fell off of the shelf. 


I took a short nap, I need like 20 more of those. Bedtime will be sweet serenity… As long as the dreams stay at bay and insomnia doesn’t kick in. I figure if I drink some wine before going to bed I won’t be able to do anything but sleep.

Anyways, I’m praying for myself and sending positive vibes to my bed. There is where I will fight the most, dreams…

Well here’s a good thing so it’s not all poor me and I want to wallow in self pity as I go through dealing with being sexually abused. I’m an ass, I just realized that. 


But anyways, it’s Tuesday. There is a school dance on Friday and the twins (that used to live with us) have their second birthday party on Sunday! I’m excited, they are so sweet. Plus, I get to play with two of them tomorrow for a few hours. 😊

Namaste, I

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One thought on “I think…

  1. I love you, Iiona. You’re in my heart…more than ever. I so appreciate the time you spent with me. I hope that your Mother’s Day was blessed with peace, and that the nights get easier. Praying.

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