My heart is ready for love and to be loved… Leela James
It’s so interesting… Yesterday during counseling I realized something. It sucked and it hurt and I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with what I had learned.
And so I kept it to myself, I didn’t tell my counselor, my husband or even my friend. It hurt too much to even acknowledge it. It cut through to the essence of why I am where I am. But I was trying so hard not to take it in and believe the stories that I spun about it.
If you haven’t realized I’m an excellent story teller. I’m a freaking skilled master at that shit. It sucks, because the stories that I’m telling don’t feel like they should even be true. But I feel like they are 100% all of who I am.
Anyways, before I venture down a path I can’t see myself coming back from.
I went to group tonight. I love every single one of those ladies. I wish I could package them up and carry them around in my pocket all day. They are so helpful and they remind me that I am not alone.
That even though I’ve been crying and super emotional lately, it’s ok. I have that right and I should use it all. Because dammit, they’re my feelings and I can cry if want to. Doesn’t mean I want to cry, lol!
It was nice to know I wasn’t the only emotional wreck so far this week. It helped to have one of the women say, I’m so happy I’m not the only one doing something that gives me panic attacks. And we laughed together, because only someone whose been through it can understand. She hates group, I can deal with it. I hate individual counseling and she loves it, lol! Go freaking figure!
Anyways, this picture is my interpretation of my intention for the week… To breathe…
To be fully present with the things I’m going through and dealing with. I noticed myself not breathing so well today during group. Someone was recounting their history and it resonated and it caught my breath.
This was supposed to be short and sweet & here I am 50-11 words later. I’m tired and going to bed!
Thanks for reading… Love and Light my friend!