Simply

Just another manic Monday

Echos…

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It’s amazing the sounds that echo through this house. Sounds of those that have lived here, sounds of those who left an impression here and sounds of those who have yet to visit and probably never will. It’s hard to explain, some days those sounds are amazing. They have us laughing and smiling over the memories those sounds remind us of. And other times it feels like the weight of the world is clinging to your back and you can’t figure out how to get the echo to stop.

Lately the strongest echo is of the three babies we had for over a year in our home. I’ll be in the shower and I will hear one of them cry. So I will hop out of the shower and check to see who is crying, only to remember that they haven’t been in our home for over three weeks. Or at the end of the night as I walk into our room to go to bed, I will make a wide arch to avoid the twins beds because I’ve stubbed my toe one to many times to recount. But… theres nothing there, nothing but empty space.

So here we are making our new normal, what that sounds like, what that feels like, what that consists of. Ike and I always check-in the night before to see what is on the schedule for the next day. Our days used to be full of stuff until we fell into bed at night utterly exhausted. Now, we are forcing ourselves to get dressed and leave the house to at least get a little fresh air. Because, we are trying to catch up on a years worth of missed sleep. 

I feel as if my time needs to be filled with something, and so to combat that I sit around my house in my pjs reading a book, sipping on tea, and trying out new snacks. I’m glad my taste for snacks hasn’t netted me gaining 20 lbs, but I think I can combat that by the weekly yoga class I am going to. I also took a big step and decided to do meditation in a group setting. AMAZING! I was very worried about what that would look like, would my nervous energy interrupt others as I walked into the room, would my 15 minutes of meditation (I actually made it to 20 minutes last week) disturb others. No need to worry, my mind calmed itself and I made it through my 20 minutes of meditation in a nice sunny spot by a window. 

One of the other things that keeps echoing within the walls of this home are the many friendships we have made and lost in the last three years. I love meeting new people, inviting them over and having parties, cooking food and decorating. Most times I am re-energized by being around others that are enjoying themselves. But there is one relationship that is vibrating and echoing so strongly, I just need it to hit a wall and be still. I know part of the issue is I am completely and totally taking all of it personally. Like so much so, that I am ready to start another text chat and just tell them to… But I keep getting this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I am jumping too quickly. That I am responding the way I am because of past hurts and that I need to figure out how to just be open in mind and heart…

And dang it if that wasn’t the answer I was waiting for…

 

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2 thoughts on “Echos…

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